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Faith, fear, and the truth that is setting me free.

Us Against Them {Because the Kids are Nuts!}

Okay, it’s official!  I have a slight problem.

While other mommy bloggers are churning out posts with wholesome titles such as Christ Centered Hope for the Weary Mom, I am openly and unabashedly telling you that kids in general are crazy; and it’s YOU and YOUR husband against THEM.

But I won’t stand down! 

Even for want of a better title, I’ve got truth that needs to be told and I feel compelled to be a whistle blower.

(All this whistle blowing seems so very cloak-and-dagger; and even as I type I have this eerie sense that I should at once get-up and shut my blinds or use code to encrypt my keyboard before the powers that be find me and shut me down.)

Sisters, pray my strength in the Lord!  

It’s not easy exposing the dirty little secrets of parents who have made it to the young adult stage and beyond, yet who decide that “Mum’s the word.”

I’m exposing top-secret information these parents don’t want us to know – either because there is a specific time release for some parental truths, or because they think it’s funny for you and I to one day wake-up and feel like were in the Twilight Zone.

via GIPHY

Now, I know that my last post was a bit tongue-in-cheek and I should probably write something more traditional and flowery before writing another cheeky post, but time is of the essence and I must make haste to expose these truths.

(If you’d like to read something with an appropriate Christian title – a post that’s not edgy, yet spiritually gratifying – this one should do the trick!  It has beautiful daisy’s, lots of Scripture and unicorns, and will not offend the sensibilities of a proper Christian woman (unlike this scathing disclosure on how crazy adult kids are!).  It’s one of my favorites on motherhood.

Now onto my whistle blowing expose . . .

A funny thing happened to me on my way to becoming a middle-aged mom: I realized that my husband is NOT the enemy.

Somewhere in between, “It’s a Boy…It’s a Girl!” and “How will we ever afford college?” I morphed from . . .

“My husband is soooooo clueless; he’s getting on my last nerve!” to . . .

“HONEY!!!!!  Pick-up the phone!!!  When are you coming home??  THESE KIDS!! . . . Run for the hills!”

I morphed because I realized these kids grow up, and by no fault of their own, they do things – and think things that make you wonder as a parent . . .

Who are you? and What did you do with my child?   Hmmm . . .

These adult kids are not only coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs, they are cunning!  They communicate with each other in frequencies that parents do not understand.

Those stinkin’ boogers know that people over 40 can’t hear high pitch sounds of 15,000 hertz or higher, so they use subliminal auditory messaging to play on our emotions.

Call me crazy if you want (yes. . . I can hear you judging me), but I’m pretty sure my young adults use these special powers of manipulation to get car privileges, curfew extensions, to convince me to cook their favorite meals, and to wash their laundry – which they’ve stockpiled for the last six months!  Oh, so cunning.

My husband and I are now hip to their game and we have reached the conclusion that it’s Us against Them; and we’re not letting those manipulative, supersized boogers take us down!

For this reason, I have some sage advice to dispense to moms who have yet to approach this stage of parenting (please listen closely before my laptop explodes) . . .

1) If you’re pouring your energy into your children and giving your husband your sloppy leftovers, LAW’D HELP YOU!

2) If you’re in the beginning stages of parenting and you’ve come to realize that your husband’s parenting style is questionable because he sends off your little ones to school in their PJ’s – and this causes you angst, embarrassment and marital discord, you’d better correct your of attitude RIGHT NOW!

3) If your husband “failed” on Valentine’s Day or forgot your wedding anniversary and now you’re withholding emotionally and not talking to him, go and write him an epic love letter and start talking to him RIGHT NOW!

4) If you’re blowing steam through your ears because you don’t think your Prince Charming carries his share of the house chores and it’s causing a bitter root to grow in your heart, go and get the mother of all machetes and use it to uproot that bitter root RIGHT NOW!

Please stop fighting and form an AIR-TIGHT, IRON-CLAD alliance RIGHT NOW!

You cannot afford to have any disharmony between the two of you because if these kids sense weakness, you and hubby won’t stand a chance in the years to come.  You’ll need to have a unified front – an authentic front – to survive what’s coming your way when they become adults.

Remember, it was you and your husband long before they showed up, and it will be you and your husband long after they’ve flown the coop.  So keep that marriage flame burning bright; take time to enjoy each other and to rediscover why you married your Prince Charming in the first place.

Now that my husband and I are hip to their game, it’s caused us to bond in the most unusual ways . . . like when we shop at the Home Depot, standing in isle 15, contemplating tile for the kitchen back-splash, and our hands touch – quietly affirming our love without even breaking our shopping stride . . . “Yes, the white subway tiles will do!”

I’ve observed a similar phenomenon with my own parents who are now in their 70’s.

At one time I was able to objectively talk with one of them about the other, and they were able to concede that I was right and that the other parent was in error.

But now, three grown middle-aged children later – when we super-adult kids should be pretty savvy at “adulting” – we are still calling to ask them how to boil water, still making epic fails with our own kids, and still experimenting with tattoos and body piercings . . . at 50?!

So noooo way are my parents going to concede anything negative about the other; at least not to our faces.  They are way too smart to allow us to smell blood in the water.

Instead, they maintain a unified front.  And as soon as one of us grown-up, middle-aged kids end our visit – I can only imagine they bolt the door, draw the shades and declare: “That crazy kid is gone!

As you parent these kids, remember to keep Jesus Christ at the center of your alliance.

“And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”(Ecclesiastes 4:12)

That third cord is Jesus!

xoxo,

 

 

 

 

I’ve shared this post at these fabulous faith and family link-ups.

 

Comments

  1. It’s not too late for me! You have me cheering that I have a four-year-old and a one-year-old. Even though right now it’s 6AM and my baby girl is squealing happily but LOUDLY from her crib and waking up my son. At least my hubby’s got my back, even from bed (where all the sane and happy people are right now).

    • Hey Laura! I love the name of your website. I hope I didn’t scare you too much with this post…but it’s better to get your wits about you now so you don’t one day wake up in the twilight zone. Lol!

  2. This made me chuckle, but you are absolutely right! We must work diligently to remain united with our husbands. It’s so easy to forget this with all of the frustrations that happen during everyday life. Thanks for the reminder!

  3. Tiffiney, I love you. Honestly, I was so glad to see your “non-wholesome title like all the other Christian bloggers” link over at Grace and Truth today, I could just cry. I mean, I’m perimenopausal and tired and haven’t yet had chocolate or coffee, so OF COURSE I could just cry, but still…;) THANK YOU for this!

  4. Tiffiney – I love your style of writing, please do not go to flowery stuff. You made me laugh, smile, and wish I had read this about 20 years earlier. However it is never too late to make some changed even if I have adult children. Maree

    • Hey Maree!

      Laughing and smiling is a good thing! I believe God has a sense of humor. Thanks for stopping by!

  5. Love this and your humor, Tiffiney! I can totally relate, though my adult children have all flown the coop. So I’m in the mode of grieving their loss–especially my youngest son who just turned 21 and dropped out of college after one year to build his career. He’s doing it too, so I guess I shouldn’t worry about him. Lol! Thanks for being so real about the parenting struggles you face. I find it very refreshing!

    • Hey Beth, I’m so happy to hear about your son’s budding career. How exciting! No matter how challenging things are now, one day I will be grieving the loss of my kids as an empty nester. Not sure that I’m looking forward to that. One good thing about it though is that them leaving means grand kids are coming! thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  6. I loved this post! Entertaining and funny! I’m in the trenches of parenting 5 ( ages 3-16).
    Great tips and advice!
    #TestimonyTuesday

    • Hi Julie! Five beautiful kiddo’s…what a blessing! Thanks for stopping by from Testimony Tuesday. Hope to be your linky neighbor again next week.

  7. Hello Sister! I love your blog! I’ve just learned how important this post is! After three babies, we finally started dating again and it’s funny…we forgot how much we like each other! lol! Excited to follow more of your blog!

    • LAUREN!!! You stopped by! Awesome having you! I see we both love exclamation points! 🙂 We’re going to get along swell. 🙂

  8. Oh, Tiffiney, this is just amazing and that’s all! We have to laugh together during these years of the emptying nest. (Besides, I think my wrinkles don’t show as much when I’m laughing.)

    • Hey Michelle – my fellow partner in emptying nest. I’m so glad you stopped by so we could laugh together. 🙂

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