While We Wait
Anticipating the Christ Child and our forever child
How the Gospel Is Wrecking My Life
Foster care, adoption, and the American Dream
The Little House That Could
How to thrive in family life
If These Walls Could Talk
Faith, fear, and the truth that is setting me free.

31 Days to a Happy Husband Challenge

Yes, I’ve done it again!

I’ve gone ahead and unsubscribed my husband from my website.  He’s (was) one of my email subscribers so he gets posts the moment I press “publish.” He’s the one who sits in the other room and says to me a mere 30 seconds after I publish:

“Hey Tiff, shouldn’t that word be and instead of an?”

“Hey Tiff, didn’t you leave out a word in that sentence?”

I unsubscribed him because I picked up this book: 31 Days to a Happy Husband: What a Man Needs Most from His Wife by Arlene Pellicane when we were on vacation a few weeks ago and I don’t want him to know that I’m actively working on improving our marriage.  I hid the book at the counter when we were ringing up a combined order and I haven’t let him see it since. I read it at night and fold back the cover and then hide it under other books sitting on my night stand.

I mean, I feel like I’m the one taking a 31 day test here, and I’d prefer this challenge be personal (for he and I).  I mean, can you imagine what would happen in a mere 31 days if he knew I was taking on this challenge and there was no significant change in my attitude?  Way too much pressure!

Now, I never believe books that make this kind of boast; that is, that I can have any major relationship improved in 31 days.  I mean, I’ve been working on our marriage for 21 years already, and I know that improvement comes with a price, so exactly what significant improvement is going to happen in a mere 31 days?  It just sounds too good to be true.  But I picked up the book anyway and began to thumb through the contents, and surprisingly, the content was solid, so I brought it home.

The books premise: that you can have a DREAM marriage; DREAM being an acronym for:

  • Domestic Tranquility – A husband needs a peaceful heaven.
  • Respect – A husband needs to be honored in his home.
  • Eros – A husband needs a fulfilling sex life.
  • Attraction – A husband needs to be attracted to his wife.
  • Mutual Activities – A husband need to have fun with his wife.

The strategy is that a wife would “spend a month soaking her husband in tender loving care.” That she would read a daily affirmation out loud for the 31 days, read one challenge a day for 31 days, then take “action steps” based on what she’s read.

The first action step is to Notice him: to take a closer look at her husband and see something positive instead of taking him for granted or rehearsing his faults.  The second action step is to Nurture him: to take action, to do something differently so her 31-day journey to marital bliss isn’t just wishful thinking.

This is good stuff!

The book starts off by having the wife take a Do You Have a Happy Husband? marriage quiz.  It’s a 10 question self-assessment to discover what areas in her marriage need the most attention.  She can score 1-4, which is not good; a 5-7, meaning she has some good habits to build on; or and 8-10, which means she has a happy husband.

I took the assessment and I scrubbed, big time!  My poor husband.  How does he put up with me?  I scored so low it was embarrassing.  But I was being ubber honest in my responses, if that matters?  I felt demoralized and closed the book and shoved it under the sofa cushion.  This is going to be a challenge, but with God’s help I’m up to the task!

If you’d like to take this challenge with me, you can order the book from Christian Book Distributors or from Amazon. You can drop me a line from time to time at Tiffiney@welcomehomeministry.com or on Welcome Home’s Facebook page to share insights and compare notes.  We could have a cyber book club!

This is going to be a great challenge!  I hope you join in.

Tootles,

Tiffiney

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Comments

  1. I admire your desire to attempt the challenge.. I’m not sure i would last. I’m at the stage in my marriage where i want more but my husband is comfortable and I don’t know how or where to move to feel better about us.. I’m not happy and I’m guessing he senses it.. But I just don’t know… Anymore how do you serve and makr someone else happy when he doesn’t go out of his way to make you happy? Or am I being selfish… I know God expects more just the flesh is week.

    • Dearest Jeanette: thank you for your honesty and transparency. Your sentiment echoes what so many women feel but don’t have the courage to say.

      I would encourage you to take the challenge, even if you don’t do it “traditionally”…like if you have to throw the book across the room from time to time or even table the challenge for weeks on end due to frustration, that’s ok.:o) The book provides a mirror of what a healthy marriage should be; but MORE IMPORTANTLY, it will challenge YOU as a wife and Christian and cause you to wrestle with doing what is right…in spite of your emotions.

      I truly sympathize with how you feel. I’ve been where you are and I continually struggle with those same feelings. But from the Scriptures I understand that Christ wants me to give my husband the love that I think he doesn’t deserve. And as for wanting more for your marriage when your husband may not necessarily…well, it only takes one person to spark a fire, a fire that leads to a marriage revival; but first, Christ will have to get a good hold of your heart – because the Holy Spirit will begin to wrestle with you to do what’s HARD: to deny your flesh the satisfaction of getting even, or withholding love and affection when you’re hurt; the hard thing of repaying coldness with warmth, with repaying good for evil. Essentially, you will be challenged to be Jesus to your husband. (Charity begins at home & family relations are the acid test of Christianity.)

      That’s hard stuff!!!! I know it hard because it’s my continual struggle; but this is one fight that I don’t want to loose, and every time I respond to my husband in my flesh I know that I’ve failed a spiritual challenge and that kills me as a Christ follower! I want to rise above. I want my Spirit to rule my flesh. This is one of the ways I know I’m growing in Christ.

      Thankfully, I’m not alone…the Lord continually makes intercession for me at the right hand of the Father (Romans 8:34). You’re not alone, either. We can get through this together. Let’s encourage each other unto love and good works (Hebrews 10:24). I’ll be in prayer for you! Email me your address (through my contact page) if you’d like me to have a copy of the book mailed to you immediately. :o)

      We’re in this thing together!
      Tiffiney

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