Warning: I’m about to dish the dirt on my husband.
I have to do this to prove my point! (It’s a good point.) And to cover my tracks, I’ve already gone ahead and unsubscribed him from receiving my emails. By the time he catches up with this post I would have already colored my hair, changed my identity, drained my offshore accounts and fled the country. (It was nice knowing you.)
But first, a positive preamble to the dirt-dishing . . .
My husband is amazing!
That’s a pretty flattering description for someone I’ve seen in a not-so-flattering light – like on his “throne”. But you get what I’m saying, right? Marriage is a seriously transparent union. What you see is definitely what you get. Trust me, you will not be able to hide a single flaw, blemish, bump or wrinkle from your spouse . . . nor your bad breath, excessive flatulence, or nose hairs. Even so, eventually these unflattering things won’t matter a bit because you’re so in love and you’ve become one . . . and you’re taking prescription drugs.
What we *see* in our spouse is a matter of perspective.
Our spouses see the best of us and the worse of us – and therein lies the battle: When we look at our spouses, what do we SEE?
I once heard a preacher say: Be careful what your lying eyes see. The thought behind that statement is that as flawed and sinful beings we tend to see the negative and unflattering side of people, when really, we need to see and experience our relationships the way God would want us to: through the prism of His Holy word, the Bible.
“…in humility value others above yourselves,” (Philippians 2:3b)
You may have heard the expression “rose colored glasses” before. Well, as believers in Christ we need to wear “God-colored glasses.” In doing so, we will see our spouse through the prism of God’s word.
What do you see when you look at your spouse?
Is your husband an insensitive tightwad, or is he a loving and gracious provider?
I don’t know about you, but my husband could be either one, depending on which glasses I have on.
Here is the best of my husband…(when I’m wearing my God-colored glasses)
He is incredibly emotionally connected with almost all of our children; yet, he is emotionally connected with them all. The amazing part here is that I said “incredibly,” meaning he supersedes the “norm.” That’s huge!
He is always emotionally available for them . . . ALWAYS! He will stop almost anything that he’s doing when the kids interrupt him to have a conversation and will go into Yoda (think Star Wars) mode listening and teaching a life lesson. He is a fountain of wisdom and will talk with the kids (or their friends) for a very long time.
Here’s the worst of my husband…(when I’m NOT wearing my God-colored glasses)
He couldn’t find the kitchen with a map! Oh, yes, he visits it three times a day for meals but he will almost never prepare one, or wash the dishes! OK, maybe that’s not a big deal for some of you, but it is for me (acts of service is one of my love languages), and it constantly pulls me toward viewing him as someone who refuses to serve me and takes my service for granted. If I stay in that vein it will lead to bitterness and resentment in my heart (and an occasional refusal to serve him – I’m such a child, pray for me!).
Rarely will he ever grocery shop, put on a load of laundry or take on other domestic chores (without me asking); and I almost always have to pull him out of the house to attend the kids’ extracurricular activities. Instead of coming with me, why doesn’t he just take them himself so that I can have a Calgon moment?
(I did tell you I’m leaving the country, right?)
I jest, but I figured the transparency would be useful. From my many conversations with other moms I’ve observed that we’re mostly all singing the same song in slightly different tunes, but we need to be sure to put on our “God-colored glasses.”
If I’m wearing my God-colored glasses I realize the truth is that my husband is not just a good husband, he’s a GREAT husband; and that’s not just because I feel like throwing that word around. Honestly, he’s like an elixir – a tonic we take daily to maintain our happiness. This man has a serious fan club – our kids! – and they praise him and express their delight in him multiple times a day (the smallest two), and deeply, when the occasion permits (the older kids). As for me, he’s my mental health pill, and by default I praise him daily, too (especially since I’m seriously trying to maintain my position as Fan Club President. I don’t want to get ousted!)
He may not grocery shop for me, but he will always shop with me. Even to his own detriment – like when he’s tired and should be resting for work. I may have to pull him out of the house for the kid’s activities, but that’s because he’s a homebody, not because he’s disinterested. About the house work…he works six days a week so that I can stay at home full-time with the kids. This man routinely puts my well being before his own and his every thought is for my happiness. He is a better person than I. (UGH!) Why does this man stay with me? (If he ever tries to leave me I will hunt him down!)
So what he attends skating once for the season, when he comes he goes on the ice.
And plays with the kids…
When he takes the girls to the playground he plays with the girls. I sit and check email, have a desperate conversation with other moms and surf the web. If my kids ask me to play, I point to my headphones and motion as if I don’t hear them. (OK, that was not true; it was just for laughs…or for prayer, depending on your perspective.)
He allows me to be an occasional slob and neglect my house chores for way longer than I should. (I’ve had piles of unfolded clothes in my bedroom for way too long and I still haven’t put away the Christmas decorations!) He’s very patient with me. (I have a split personality when it comes to housework: one month I’m Martha Stewart, the next, I’m Oscar the dirty Grouch.
Update: About that food shopping thing…he actually did it – by himself! – for the first time in a long time. He brought twice the amount of food that I normally would (bonus!). But he brought back 10 cans of chunk light tuna. Chunk Light, Honey? I may have to deduct points for that. 😮
OK, so he’s not perfect, but obviously, nor am I. So we can be perfectly imperfect together. And I have to accept (and appreciate) that. I have to get the “Why does her husband do that? Mine doesn’t.” voices out of my head! Those creepy little comparison voices. (Comparison is the opposite of gratitude.) Because if I don’t bitterness and resentment will set in.
“…take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5b
What do you see when you look at your spouse? Warning: Be careful what your “lying eyes” see and remember to wear your God-colored glasses. 😉
I’ve shared this article at these fabulous faith and family link-ups.