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How to Not Be a Psycho Mom on Mother’s Day

How not to be a psycho mom on Mother’s Day.

In my last post, I wrote about the moments – how special they are, because they become tomorrow’s precious memories; and thankfully, my family experienced some special moments as we celebrated my nephew’s wedding this past weekend.

This guy is so special to me. He’s been a part of our family for as long a I can remember. He’s in all of our holiday family portraits and he’s featured on my “Meet Tiffiney” page.

I cried like a baby during his first dance.  It was just embarrassing – everyone standing there with big smiles on their faces – and there I was, loosing my composure, so I hid behind a woman with big hair.  (I think I predicted their marriage in this post.)

Here are some of our fun photo booth moments.

I never knew how fun photo booths could be!  You have 5 seconds flat to choose another prop and say, “Cheese.”

Here I am with my husband, my best friend, Shadell, and our college buddy, Joseph; because we older folks always have to invite people from our past – who do not actually know the bride or groom – just to experience those special moments with us.

(It appears my husband is holding a rubber chicken. Interesting prop choice. That would make for one good therapy session.)

Now Mother’s Day is quickly approaching . . .

And I find myself eagerly anticipating it, and slightly dreading its arrival at the same time.

Mother’s Day is some what of a weird phenomena for me as far as holidays go, and I’m not quite sure why, but it has historically been a day in my life where I either feel completely elated or totally deflated as a mom.

I’ve been candid about my Mother’s Day struggles on this blog, so if you’ve been around here for a while, you may already know what I’m talking about.

For instance, there was the year when I was out shopping with my family on Mother’s Day and I hid in a clothing rack so they wouldn’t see me crying.  (Because that’s a normal thing for a grown woman to do – to disappear into clothing racks and sob while her family walks around saying: Wasn’t mom just here a minute ago?)

And just why was I sobbing, you ask?  (I heard you ask.)  Because I didn’t think my family was properly honoring me as their mom, of course.  (And you thought my husband and the rubber chicken was weird.)

I wish I could say that was an isolated Mother’s Day incident, but it wasn’t. It was just one among several where I felt devalued as a mom.

At this point, I’m going to go out on a limb and self diagnose by admitting that I have some serious Mother’s Day issues.

There, I admit it!

It is not my family’s fault. There certainly have been good Mother’s Days, too; but because of the few “mom’s day misses” I’ve experienced I head into Mother’s Day with a good bit of angst.

Honestly, I know I sabotage myself psychologically.

Even my bestie, Shadell, aka the best friend a gal could ever have, decided that enough was enough!

Shadell and her daughter, Jenee.

After years of listening to me wail on the phone about my Mother’s Day blues, one year, she made a surprise visit to N.Y. on Mother’s Day just to help me break that cycle.

So, you would think that by now I would be healed, delivered, and set free in the name of Jesus from the demon of Mother’s Day blues.  So then tell me why just the other day I went and bought Mother’s Day gifts for myself on behalf of all of my children?

Gurrlll, I went to TJ Maxx and purchased several coffee mugs that I swooned over, and told my kids that I had already shopped for them and to simply reimburse me.

My oldest daughter’s response to me:

Perhaps she was in disbelief.

I have a serious coffee mug fetish. I purged my cabinet of them sometime ago, underwent counseling, and had refrained from buying any for months, but TJ Maxx was seriously baiting me with their super selection of 2000 Mother’s Day mugs, so I went buck-wild and brought seven: one from each of my six kids and one (or maybe even two) for good measure!  And of course, a mom plaque from my husband.

I left the store on cloud nine.

 

In hindsight, I think I’m trying to avoid being disappointed in the event that one of my kids (or my husband) does not celebrate me (to the extent that I believe appropriate).  Either that, or I’m desperate for coffee mugs.  Maybe a little bit of both?

And let’s be real – if one of them doesn’t reimburse me, I’ll feel cheap.  And if one of them asks me to make change for a large bill, I’ll just faint!

I’m always setting myself up!

Really, I have honestly improved over the years, and I’m fairly certain that those demons have been cast out.  I know that this Mother’s Day will not be a disaster.  Everything will be fine (for the most part).  But if you’re anything like me I used to be before the exorcism, you may need a few pointers on how to NOT be a psycho mom and avoid an epic Mother’s Day meltdown.

 

Psycho mom and her wonderful family.

 

Three tips to help any mom NOT be a psycho on Mother’s Day

1 – Don’t take yourself or the day too seriously

I firmly believe that one of the reasons I sometimes feel deflated on Mother’s Day is because I try so hard as a mom.  “MOM” is a serious title to me.  I put a lot of thought and heart into mothering.  There is so much build up surrounding this day.  But you know what, I need to get over myself and let it just be a day where my kids (and husband) can express themselves in any manner they choose – and not judge them for being ungrateful, stinkin’ little boogers.

2 – Lower your expectations

If I expect the universe for Mother’s Day and they only give me the world, I will be hurt.  If I expect the world and they give me a mere country, I will feel undervalued.  The only way to overcome this is to lower my expectations – and expect nothing. Nada. Zip!  Everything on top of that is gravy and will make me deliriously happy.

So what if I don’t get breakfast in bed, receive an early morning call from kids who have moved out, or I’m expected to make dinner.  What do I care if I don’t receive flowers, little hand made cards,  or I get stuck with the dishes?  I didn’t expect that stuff anyway so, I’m! Just! Fine!  (Exactly when does this reverse psychology stuff start to kick in?)

3 – Give thanks in all things

I didn’t make this one up, and I’d hardly believe it IF it were not written in the Bible, but it is.  Turns out that there is a super huge connection between giving thanks to God and having a heart filled with appreciation.  Simply put, it’s impossible to be ungrateful and depressed when you are busy counting your blessings, because our blessings are bountiful and far out weigh our tough circumstances and momentary disappointment.  It may take a moment for our hurt emotions to catch up with the reality that we are all so unbelievably blessed – just to be called “Mom” is a blessing – but eventually our emotions will catch up.

“In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

 

Holla back!: What about you?  What anti-psycho Mother’s Day tips would you add to this list?

Wishing you the best Mother’s Day ever!

Tiffiney

 


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Comments

  1. Well, I absolutely hear you about Mother’s Day … over the years I’ve had some special days that were forgotten … and I’ve not too subtly pouted and have had a pity party or two along the way.

    Of course, I was so self absorbed that I refused to consider that maybe some of my family members had other more pressing needs on their hearts besides my self-important self.

    Loved this, Tiffiney! I hope this year’s celebration SOARS for you! I’m off to check my mailbox now.

    Really.

    😉

    • Ah…the all important “self-important self”. I think I’ve met that person a time or two ago (when I looked in the mirror). 🙂 I hope your Mother’s Day was everything you wanted it to be, Linda! Thanks for stopping by.

  2. I get you! Mother’s Day can be a hard day and we may enter it with no expectations or lots of expectations and it will never go down the way we want or think it should. We can dissolve into a hot crying mess and leave our family wondering where mom is, or just smile and wonder if this is all. Really family, aren’t I worth a little more effort than this? Yup, lowing our expectations helps. And so does having more than a few Mother’s Days under my belt. I can then relive them all and try to be a little different this year. Happy Mother’s Day, Tiffiney. Thanks for the laugh.

    • I agree, Theresa, Mothers Day never goes down the way we expect, expectations or not. And yes, having more than a few Mother’s Days under your belt really does help. Here’s to a great Mother’s Day for us all!

  3. Oh my gosh! Thanks for putting into such humorous words what I believe is a common struggle moms battle on Mother’s Day! I confess to hinting about the pearl earrings I saw at Costco and showing my teenage daughter in case she wanted to show dad, ha! These are all such great tips. I love them and will be sharing. It’s funny how when I get an expectation in my head of something I want for Mother’s Day— my kids make me these amazing notes appreciating me and wrap up gifts they made for me and then my heart is full and I realize how priceless those gestures are. Sharing this!

    • I so agree, Val! I love these handmade gestures of love by the kids. Nothing beats it…unless it’s chocolate or a Starbucks gift card. LOL! 😉

  4. Oh my word, those 3 tips are so practical and doable and realistic, I can’t even talk about it. I LOVE this post. Saved to share going forward! Happy, non-psycho Mother’s Day, my friend! xoxo

  5. I thought I was the only one, Tiffany! And then I would always feel like an ungrateful, entitled brat for being disappointed. Thank you for letting me laugh at myself and reminding me that it’s just a day! Visiting you today from the moments of hope link up. laurensparks.net

    • Hey Lauren! No hun, you’re definitely not the only one…and your comment made me laugh. Happy Mother’s Day!

  6. I can relate because I wish that every day we were celebrated not just one day where we do cheesy stuff. I don’t like the cheesy stuff. I don’t like eating out on Mothers Day; it’s just too crowded.
    I’m ok doing nothing on this day but no one believes me, as long as everyone makes an effort to constantly acknowledge me and my contributions.
    Being grateful shifts everything.

    Thanks for posting; stopping by from a linkup.

    • I hear you, Nylse. The restaurants are super crowded on Mother’s Day., but that didn’t stop me from enduring a four hour wait at red lobsters a year or two ago. LOL. Happy Mother’s day to you!

  7. Great tips! And thanks for sharing your honest angst over the holiday. I confess, it’s not my favorite either, but the thing that has helped me over the years is an effort to maintain an outward focus: Honoring my own mum and mother-in-law. Now that they’re both gone to heaven, there’s my daughter-in-law and women in my church, friends who need encouraging for various reasons on that wonky day.
    Blessings to you as you celebrate as a non-psycho this year!

    • Michele, I just love your writing. I love running into you around the blogosphere – whether its reading your blog posts or the comments you leave for others. I’m following you, and I love what you shared about maintaining an outward focus. What a great prescription you mapped out in your comment about focusing on our moms and mom-in-laws, and then our daughters and daughter in laws, and of course, those in our church. Thank you for stopping by and blessing me with your wisdom. Wishing you a blessed non-psycho Mother’s Day as well! 🙂

  8. So good, Tiffiney! Your title cracked me up . . . I really don’t want to be a psycho mom this Mothers Day….or on our upcoming vacation….or in any of the circumstances that drive me just a little bit up the wall. Thanks for some practical advice to remember today! Love you blog!

    • Hey Stacey, I’m thanking God for His precious Holy Spirit and His Word that helps me to keep “psycho mom” at bay! Blessings to you and thank you for stopping by to read and comment. Have a blessed Mother’s Day!

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