Building a home takes effort. Nurturing a home takes heart. But know this, the drive you need to build and nurture your family is found in this one thing: your vision for your home.
This post explains why your family vision is your compass, your GPS to achieving the family you desire.
The Story Behind My Family Vision
I remember it like it was just yesterday. That moment is forever etched in my mind. The essence of that memory forever lives in my heart.
It’s the memory of my grandmother – aged, slightly hunched over, and walking into her kitchen as she offered me a meal: “Are you hungry, sugar? There’s some biscuits on the stove, over there.”
I may have grown-up in Brooklyn, New York, but I spent nearly every summer of my childhood “down south” in North Carolina, happily bouncing around from one relative’s home to the next.
Little me enjoying family in NC.
My father is one of 13 children with southern roots, which gave me – a skinny, little city kid who was accustomed to sidewalks and streetlights – an opportunity to run barefoot on dirt roads every summer while visiting a host of family members.
The cousins I grew up with.
My grandmother’s home was the designated drop-off point. And though my grandmother has since passed, the one thing that I cannot forget about her, the one thing that I remember more than anything else, is how incredibly welcoming she was – and that she always offered food.
I don’t exactly know which summer it happened – the summer I decided that I wanted to be just like her, the summer in which that one memory of her was forever imprinted in my mind – but it happened, nonetheless. And it’s been a driving force in my life ever since.
That memory of my grandma has impacted many of the decisions I’ve made as a mom.
I’ve turned down jobs that would have afforded my family a different (but not better) life; jobs that would have catapulted my family into a different tax bracket, brought us the vacations we don’t take now, and afforded us a home in a different zip code.
The reason I turned them down is because they were inconsistent with my vision of motherhood. My vision for family-life was not going to allow me to work outside of the home.
Some people want to be famous. Some people want their name written in lights. Others want to make enough money to wear red-bottom heels.
All of that is fine, I guess, if a person’s motives are right, but my heart keeps bringing me back to the memory of a woman who didn’t seem to have many worldly goods, but in essence, she had it all: she was dearly loved by her children and always gave herself wholly to her family.
Grandma Emma Dickens, my inspiration.
I don’t know why I’m wired this way…why I’ve chosen to idolize a woman who, by some people’s standards, lived a life that wasn’t (educationally or financially) enviable . . . on second thought, actually I do know why: it’s because I want what she had, and money can’t buy it.
Got Vision?
Your family vision will undoubtedly be different from mine. Yours might even allow you to buy red-bottom shoes. 😊 It may not require you to sacrifice your income, or demand that you home school your children, nor it doesn’t have to!
Though no two “visions” will be exactly the same, it is still essential that you have one, and here’s why…
What is Vision and Why You Need It
The dictionary defines vision as the ability to think about or plan the future with imagination or wisdom.
For our purposes, vision is the family picture you see with your mind’s eye, a mental picture produced by your imagination, based on the wisdom of God’s holy word.
Your family vision will serve as your compass, your GPS to achieving the family life you desire. It holds you steady when you are struggling to forge ahead in family life.
In her book, A Woman After God’s Own Heart, Elizabeth George describes it this way:
“[as a visionary] I have to plan the family picture and select the color, threads and textures according to what I want the finished tapestry to look like, and I have to pay attention to the details along the way. This project will take effort and time each day. The effort and activity – the time, work and care, the mental and physical muscle – all combine to make a…beautiful [home life].”
If we do not have an ideal (family picture) we are working towards, then we are simply reacting to life (randomly selecting colors, threads and textures) instead of being proactive or deliberate about our family’s well being.
Eventually, this may lead to a very distorted tapestry or family outcome.
Take a moment to ask yourself:
- Have I given serious thought to my home life?
- Have I envisioned what I want our family picture to be?
- Have I considered what color, threads, and textures (steps) I will use to achieve this outcome?
“A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thought to his steps” (Proverbs 14:15)
God wants us to be women who are visionaries, women who look ahead and have ideals, dreams, and goals regarding our family. If you don’t already have one, ask the Lord to help you cast a fresh vision for your home today.
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I never thought about having a vision for your family life in this way before. Very interesting! I’ll be thinking on this one for a while I’m sure.
Hey Ashley, it’s a great topic to think on. It would definitely bless your family.
I love the topics that you discuss and share with us on your blog. I feel the same way and I know that a lot of other women feel the same way about their family life and values.
However, Sometimes I struggle with whether or not I’m making the right choice by giving up more income and the memory-making vacations. I wonder if my children will see the value in the decision.
As I mentioned earlier though, you seem to write about exactly what I’m struggling with and provide words of comfort. I feel like we have kindred souls and you just seem to get it. I thank God for you and your ministry, as it encourages me in my own.
Hi Claudea, what a precious comment you shared. Thank you for your transparency. There are so many moms who wrestle with their decision to stay home. I’m grateful to God that I’m able to encourage us all in some meaningful way. 🙂
I can’t tell you if you are making the right decision by staying home. You and your husband are best suited to make that decision based on God’s leading for your family.
What I CAN tell you is that while a job (outside of the home) pays money that affords vacations, you best believe that staying home full time to nurture your family pays dividend as well. And while the payment is not financial, the time “buys” things that money can’t – all the intangibles that money can’t buy. Of course, this all depends on where your heart is (your motivation) while you stay at home.
I’ve had “paid” jobs that brought my family Disney vacations, and of course, I’ve had lots of years with no vacations due to living on one income. In my experience, I gave my kids more by being at home: more time, more of me, more character development, more Bible teaching, more knowing each other in an intimate way.
I don’t think kids need paid vacations, expensive sneakers and designer clothes to be happy and fulfilled; they need a mom who is joyful, genuinely happy at home, in love with her husband, and who is led by the Holy Spirit. That goes far. 🙂
Thank you Tiffiney for taking the time to reply to my comment, it’s much appreciated and timely advice. Your words seem to soothe anxiety and to convict with biblical wisdom. I can’t tell you how much it helps me in this season of conflict.
It’s so important for us to have sisters in Christ that we can lean on in seasons of struggle. I know I’ve said it before but thank you so much for your ministry, God is truly moving through you!a
Tiffany, this is such a beautiful tribute to your family roots and I so appreciate that you shared it all. Thank you for encouraging me to be faithful to the Lord as He weaves the tapestry of our family. Blessings!
And I apologize as I just realized I misspelled your name.
Apology accepted. 🙂
Thank you for visiting, Joanne. It’s great having you stop by.
Thank you, Tiffiney, for this wisdom.
I often think about my family as a story, and ask myself, “What kind of story do I want to be able to tell some day?”
Our hearts long to give witness to the faithfulness of God, and sometimes that looks like doing a small act of obedience on this very day when the sink is full of dirty dishes…
I love your outlook, Michele. I often think about what kind of story I want my children to be able to tell…like at my funeral! I try to live in light of that everyday. It’s quite motivating. 🙂