Us Against Them {Because the Kids are Nuts!}

Okay, it’s official!  I have a slight problem.

While other mommy bloggers are churning out posts with wholesome titles such as Christ Centered Hope for the Weary Mom, I am openly and unabashedly telling you that kids in general are crazy; and it’s YOU and YOUR husband against THEM.

But I won’t stand down! 

Even for want of a better title, I’ve got truth that needs to be told and I feel compelled to be a whistle blower.

(All this whistle blowing seems so very cloak-and-dagger; and even as I type I have this eerie sense that I should at once get-up and shut my blinds or use code to encrypt my keyboard before the powers that be find me and shut me down.)

Sisters, pray my strength in the Lord!  

It’s not easy exposing the dirty little secrets of parents who have made it to the young adult stage and beyond, yet who decide that “Mum’s the word.”

I’m exposing top-secret information these parents don’t want us to know – either because there is a specific time release for some parental truths, or because they think it’s funny for you and I to one day wake-up and feel like were in the Twilight Zone.

via GIPHY

If you’d like to read something with an appropriate Christian title – a post that’s not edgy, yet spiritually gratifying – this one should do the trick!  It has beautiful daisy’s, lots of Scripture and unicorns, and will not offend the sensibilities of a proper Christian woman (unlike this scathing disclosure on how crazy adult kids are!).  It’s one of my favorites on motherhood.

Now onto my whistle blowing expose . . .

A funny thing happened to me on my way to becoming a middle-aged mom: I realized that my husband is NOT the enemy.

Somewhere in between, “It’s a Boy…It’s a Girl!” and “How will we ever afford college?” I morphed from . . .

“My husband is soooooo clueless; he’s getting on my last nerve!” to . . .

“HONEY!!!!!  Pick-up the phone!!!  When are you coming home??  THESE KIDS!! . . . Run for the hills!”

I morphed because I realized these kids grow up, and do things – and think things that make you wonder as a parent . . .

Who are you?  And What did you do with my child?   Hmmm . . .

These adult kids are not only coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs, they are cunning!  They communicate with each other in frequencies that parents do not understand.

Those stinkin’ boogers know that people over 40 can’t hear high pitch sounds of 15,000 hertz or higher, so they use subliminal auditory messaging to play on our emotions.

Call me crazy if you want (yes. . . I can hear you judging me), but I’m pretty sure my young adults use these special powers of manipulation to get car privileges, curfew extensions, to convince me to cook their favorite meals, and to wash their laundry – which they’ve stockpiled for the last six months!

They are ohhhhh, so cunning.

My husband and I are now hip to their game, and we have reached the conclusion that it’s Us against Them; and we’re not letting those manipulative, super-sized boogers take us down!

For this reason, I have some sage advice to dispense to moms who have yet to approach this stage of parenting (please listen closely before my laptop explodes) . . .

1) If you’re pouring your energy into your children and giving your husband sloppy leftovers, LAW’D HELP YOU!

2) If you’re in the beginning stages of parenting and you’ve come to realize that your husband’s parenting style is questionable because he sends off your little ones to school in their PJ’s – and this causes you angst, embarrassment and marital discord, you’d better correct your of attitude RIGHT NOW!

3) If your husband “failed” on Valentine’s Day or forgot your wedding anniversary, and now you’re withholding emotionally and not talking to him, go and write him an epic love letter and start talking to him RIGHT NOW!

4) If you’re blowing steam through your ears because you don’t think your Prince Charming carries his share of the house chores and it’s causing a bitter root to grow in your heart, go and get the mother of all machetes and use it to uproot that bitter root RIGHT NOW!

Please stop fighting and form an AIR-TIGHT, IRON-CLAD alliance RIGHT NOW!

You cannot afford to have any disharmony between the two of you because if these kids sense weakness, you and hubby won’t stand a chance in the years to come.  You’ll need to have a unified front – an authentic front – to survive what’s coming your way when they become adults.

Remember, it was you and your husband long before they showed up, and it will be you and your husband long after they’ve flown the coop.  So keep that marriage flame burning bright; take time to enjoy each other and to rediscover why you married your Prince Charming in the first place.

Now that my husband and I are hip to their game, it’s caused us to bond in the most unusual ways . . . like when we shop at the Home Depot, standing in isle 15, contemplating tile for the kitchen back-splash, and our hands touch – quietly affirming our love without even breaking our shopping stride . . . “Yes, the white subway tiles will do!”

I’ve observed a similar phenomenon with my own parents who are now in their 70’s.

At one time I was able to objectively talk with one of them about the other, and they were able to concede that I was right and that the other parent was in error.

But now, three grown middle-aged children later – when we super-adult kids should be pretty savvy at “adulting” – we are still calling to ask them how to boil water, still making epic fails with our own kids, and still experimenting with tattoos and body piercings . . . at 50?!

So noooo way are my parents going to concede anything negative about the other; at least not to our faces.  They are way too smart to allow us to smell blood in the water.

Instead, they maintain a unified front.  And as soon as one of us grown-up, middle-aged kids end our visit – I can only imagine they bolt the door, draw the shades and declare: “That crazy kid is gone!

As you parent these kids, remember to keep Jesus Christ at the center of your alliance.

“And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”(Ecclesiastes 4:12)

That third cord is Jesus!

xoxo,

Tiffiney

I’ve shared this post at these fabulous faith and family link-ups.