Dear Wife . . .
Do your eyes communicate to your husband that you delight in him? That he really floats your boat? That you’re happy he’s your man?
It’s not enough to say that you love him . . .
Your eyes have to tell a story!
Keep reading to find out why.
“You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes,” (Song of Songs 4:9b)
Some time ago, I watched The Theory of Everything, an insightful movie based on the memoir Travelling to Infinity: My Life with Stephen by Jane Wilde Hawking, about her relationship with her husband, theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking.
While Stephen and Jane are dating, Stephen learns that he has motor neuron disease and is given only two years to live. In spite of his fatal diagnosis, Jane is determined to demonstrate her love to Stephen, and the two wed.
Just as predicted, Stephen’s health takes an immediate turn for the worse.
Eventually, he goes from walking with crutches to using a wheel chair. He needs assistance with everything, which is only given by Jane, who dutifully carries him up and down stairs, feeds him, changes his clothes, and even wipes his bottom in the lavatory.
Jane’s life was no bed of roses.
She is often “physically and mentally exhausted,” but she loves Stephen so, she keeps pushing through their tough circumstances.
Somewhere in the day-to-day humdrum of taking care of Stephen, their children, the home, and helping to manage Stephen’s work, Jane’s focus shifts from hot-and-in-love-wife to frustrated caretaker.
You hardly notice it in the movie, the way Jane sometimes looks at Stephen as a chore.
What you mostly observe is how she dutifully takes care of her husband – and isn’t that what love is anyway? Action – and not mere words? Duty, expressing itself in unending commitment?
Yes, it is all of those things.
But it is also the little things . . .
Pleasurable glances of the eye.
Touches that linger just a bit longer than usual.
A smile that says, You please me . . . I love you.
“Turn your eyes from me; they overwhelm me.” (Song of Songs 6:5a)
How easy it is to lose that connection!
How easy is it to become disgruntled and bitter in marriage.
Such as the wife who looks at her husband with disdain when he disciplines the kids in a manner she disapproves of.
Or the wife who keeps pushing past her husband when he’s pulling her close to embrace her.
Or the one who is frustrated with her husband lack of attention to house-hold chores.
Take Every Thought Captive
As a godly wife, it’s my responsibility to control my response and my thoughts pertaining to my husband.
It’s my responsibility to, “take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ.” (1 Corinthians 10:5b)
If I don’t “take that thought captive” I may start a chain of events that inevitably causes me to lose my marriage.
The Holy Spirit Helps Us to Keep Our Sparkle
It’s likely that at some point or another, a wife will be emotionally crushed by her husband . . .
Babies cry and husbands don’t wake-up, or
they play video games longer than they should, or
maybe they don’t come home when they get paid.
This is why going to the Lord daily with our emotional pain and asking him to help us forgive our husbands is vital to keeping that sparkle in our eyes.
“The precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; The commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes.” (Psalm 19:8)
Exalt God’s Word Over Your Husband’s Offense
I don’t know about you, but I find it virtually impossible to give my husband that erotic I love you . . . you really do it for me, Honey look if I have not first asked the Lord to help me with my own hurt and my tendency to exalt my husband’s offense over Christ’s mandate to forgive and love him.
I can’t pull that off on my own because that’s a God thing!
♥ Loving someone who is unlovely is a complete work of the cross.
♥ Bearing up under harsh treatment is a work of God’s grace. (1 Peter 2:18-20)
♥ Not hurting a person back (through harsh and biting words or cold behavior) when a person is hurting you requires a supernatural work of God.
♥ Repaying evil with good, with kindness and gentleness manifested through a loving touch and loving eyes is how we demonstrate that we are like our Father in heaven. (Luke 6:27-36)
The moment I stop seeing my husband as Superman . . . the moment I start yielding to the notion that he is a less than is the moment I give the devil a foot hold in my marriage (Ephesians 4:27).
It is the moment I begin to lose us.
The moment I may begin to lose everything.
Life is decided in a matter of small moments.
An interesting thing happens in the movie . . .
It is so subtle that you may not even notice it (yet, it is the main point of this post!).
A fiery red-head is brought in to help assist Jane (Stephen’s wife) with ever demanding needs of Stephen’s physical care, and there is a scene where the red-headed nurse gives Jane feedback about her first visit with her new patient.
The red-head goes on to list several ways that Stephen has impressed her and notes some of his admirable qualities. She is quite intrigued with him. Her perspective of Stephen is fresh and new, but Jane quickly interrupts the nurse and is unable to share her enthusiasm.
The red-head is all smiles with Stephen. She is genuinely interested in what he has to say; and Stephen knows it. He craves it! All men do!
When his wife looks at him, her eyes say she is tired, duty bound and holding on by a thread.
Though Jane is expressing love in other ways, her erotic love has dissipated, and in its place is a commitment to stay together for the sake of duty.
Betcha can guess what happens next.
Yes . . . the red-head eventually wins Stephen’s heart.
God Can Make All Things Fresh and New in Your Marriage
Whatever you do, you have to continue to see your husband as that guy who really does it for you! It will affect the way you look at him . . . the way you touch him . . . the way you feel when he touches you.
Yes, you will still recognize his flaws, don’t think you won’t!
Even still, you can allow the Holy Spirit to freshen your perspective of your husband daily (Romans 12:2); especially before those ill thoughts become weeds that take root in your heart.
God is able to make all things fresh and new.
He can freshen your perspective toward your husband seventy-seven times in one day if necessary! (Matthew 18: 21-22)
Your eyes are telling your husband a story. Make sure they are telling him the right one.
I’ve shared this post at these fabulous faith and family link-ups.
Additional Marriage Movie Reviews
The Pursuit of Happyness: A wife who lacks the strength to endure hard times
The Vow: A wife who chose the hard path of forgiveness
(This post was originally published on Jan. 11, 2016 & updated on Oct. 9, 2017.)
Maree Dee says
Wow! I am not sure my eyes are telling the right story. I loved your post, and I am going to start today right now with a different look. Thank you!
Crystal Twaddell says
Tiffiney, I appreciate this gentle challenge to grace and forgiveness exhibited in the simplicity of a look. Our eyes are the windows to our soul.
I couldn’t’ have said it better, Crystal! Thanks for stopping by, 🙂
Gretchen Fleming says
Really got me thinking so thank you for this. So good to tie it in with the movie. Well done!
Thanks for stopping by, Gretchen!
SUSAN SHIPE says
Regardless of a couple’s marital status, whether married or just together? (I prefer marriage!!) I can always tell if they are intimately involved – just watch their eyes! Good post. Visiting from Crystal Twaddell’s.
Hello neighbor from Crystal’s linkup! Yes, the eyes do really tell a story. Thanks for stopping by, friend!
Thank you for the great reminder to keep the twinkle for my husband. It’s so easy to do when we have time together or can steal moments but it becomes harder in the midst of everyday chaos. Challenge accepted! God bless!
Hey Melissa, The challenge is certainly accepted here, too! Thanks for stopping by!
Debbie Putman says
Great reminders of the importance of demonstrating our love in a multitude of ways.
Hey Deb, thanks!
I didn’t go to see this movie and didn’t know that Stephen had an affair either. But if his wife’s love for him was waning as much as you’ve said here, it makes sense–though doesn’t mean it’s right! ha! On either Stephen or Jane’s parts. Yes, Tiffiney, this is such a great reminder that we need to stoke the fires of love, even in the harshest of marriage situations. Thanks for this very interesting post and challenging reminder!
I so agree, Beth…nothing justifies a spouse’s affair. Thanks for stopping by!
Donna Reidland says
This is so true. Thanks for reminding us in such a winsome way!
You’re so welcome, Donna. Glad you stopped by. Come again!
This is so true and so hard! Great encouragement for me today!
Yes, Sarah, I agree…IT. IS. HARD. But by God’s grace, we’re up to the challenge!
You have pulled some profound truths about marriage from this movie- and now I want to see it. You’re right, It’s so easy to become duty bound and lose that sparkle in a marriage. Thank you for this timely reminder. It’s important.
Thank you also for linking up with Grace and Truth!
Hi Dawn! It’s a good movie. I think you’ll enjoy it! Let’s remember to keep that twinkle in our eyes!
Thanks for stopping by!
Shellie carroll says
Thank you for these wonderful reminders of what love looks like, even during the hard times when it is just pure work! We’ve all been there at some time and it’s important to remember to see our husbands as God sees them.
Hello Shellie! Mrs. Engraved and Entrusted! I just had a fine time snooping around your site. It looks lovely! Thank you for taking some time to stop by and comment.