How not to be a psycho mom on Mother’s Day.
In my last post, I wrote about the moments – how special they are, because they become tomorrow’s precious memories; and thankfully, my family experienced some special moments as we celebrated my nephew’s wedding this past weekend.
This guy is so special to me. He’s been a part of our family for as long a I can remember. He’s in all of our holiday family portraits and he’s featured on my “Meet Tiffiney” page.
I cried like a baby during his first dance. It was just embarrassing – everyone standing there with big smiles on their faces – and there I was, loosing my composure, so I hid behind a woman with big hair. (I think I predicted their marriage in this post.)
Here are some of our fun photo booth moments.
I never knew how fun photo booths could be! You have 5 seconds flat to choose another prop and say, “Cheese.”
Here I am with my husband, my best friend, Shadell, and our college buddy, Joseph; because we older folks always have to invite people from our past – who do not actually know the bride or groom – just to experience those special moments with us.
(It appears my husband is holding a rubber chicken. Interesting prop choice. That would make for one good therapy session.)
Now Mother’s Day is quickly approaching . . .
And I find myself eagerly anticipating it, and slightly dreading its arrival at the same time.
Mother’s Day is some what of a weird phenomena for me as far as holidays go, and I’m not quite sure why, but it has historically been a day in my life where I either feel completely elated or totally deflated as a mom.
I’ve been candid about my Mother’s Day struggles on this blog, so if you’ve been around here for a while, you may already know what I’m talking about.
For instance, there was the year when I was out shopping with my family on Mother’s Day and I hid in a clothing rack so they wouldn’t see me crying. (Because that’s a normal thing for a grown woman to do – to disappear into clothing racks and sob while her family walks around saying: Wasn’t mom just here a minute ago?)
And just why was I sobbing, you ask? (I heard you ask.) Because I didn’t think my family was properly honoring me as their mom, of course. (And you thought my husband and the rubber chicken was weird.)
I wish I could say that was an isolated Mother’s Day incident, but it wasn’t. It was just one among several where I felt devalued as a mom.
At this point, I’m going to go out on a limb and self diagnose by admitting that I have some serious Mother’s Day issues.
There, I admit it!
It is not my family’s fault. There certainly have been good Mother’s Days, too; but because of the few “mom’s day misses” I’ve experienced I head into Mother’s Day with a good bit of angst.
Honestly, I know I sabotage myself psychologically.
Even my bestie, Shadell, aka the best friend a gal could ever have, decided that enough was enough!
After years of listening to me wail on the phone about my Mother’s Day blues, one year, she made a surprise visit to N.Y. on Mother’s Day just to help me break that cycle.
So, you would think that by now I would be healed, delivered, and set free in the name of Jesus from the demon of Mother’s Day blues. So then tell me why just the other day I went and bought Mother’s Day gifts for myself on behalf of all of my children?
Gurrlll, I went to TJ Maxx and purchased several coffee mugs that I swooned over, and told my kids that I had already shopped for them and to simply reimburse me.
My oldest daughter’s response to me:
Perhaps she was in disbelief.
I have a serious coffee mug fetish. I purged my cabinet of them sometime ago, underwent counseling, and had refrained from buying any for months, but TJ Maxx was seriously baiting me with their super selection of 2000 Mother’s Day mugs, so I went buck-wild and brought seven: one from each of my six kids and one (or maybe even two) for good measure! And of course, a mom plaque from my husband.
I left the store on cloud nine.
In hindsight, I think I’m trying to avoid being disappointed in the event that one of my kids (or my husband) does not celebrate me (to the extent that I believe appropriate). Either that, or I’m desperate for coffee mugs. Maybe a little bit of both?
And let’s be real – if one of them doesn’t reimburse me, I’ll feel cheap. And if one of them asks me to make change for a large bill, I’ll just faint!
I’m always setting myself up!
Really, I have honestly improved over the years, and I’m fairly certain that those demons have been cast out. I know that this Mother’s Day will not be a disaster. Everything will be fine (for the most part). But if you’re anything like
me I used to be before the exorcism, you may need a few pointers on how to NOT be a psycho mom and avoid an epic Mother’s Day meltdown.
Three tips to help any mom NOT be a psycho on Mother’s Day
1 – Don’t take yourself or the day too seriously
I firmly believe that one of the reasons I sometimes feel deflated on Mother’s Day is because I try so hard as a mom. “MOM” is a serious title to me. I put a lot of thought and heart into mothering. There is so much build up surrounding this day. But you know what, I need to get over myself and let it just be a day where my kids (and husband) can express themselves in any manner they choose – and not judge them for being ungrateful, stinkin’ little boogers.
2 – Lower your expectations
If I expect the universe for Mother’s Day and they only give me the world, I will be hurt. If I expect the world and they give me a mere country, I will feel undervalued. The only way to overcome this is to lower my expectations – and expect nothing. Nada. Zip! Everything on top of that is gravy and will make me deliriously happy.
So what if I don’t get breakfast in bed, receive an early morning call from kids who have moved out, or I’m expected to make dinner. What do I care if I don’t receive flowers, little hand made cards, or I get stuck with the dishes? I didn’t expect that stuff anyway so, I’m! Just! Fine! (Exactly when does this reverse psychology stuff start to kick in?)
3 – Give thanks in all things
I didn’t make this one up, and I’d hardly believe it IF it were not written in the Bible, but it is. Turns out that there is a super huge connection between giving thanks to God and having a heart filled with appreciation. Simply put, it’s impossible to be ungrateful and depressed when you are busy counting your blessings, because our blessings are bountiful and far out weigh our tough circumstances and momentary disappointment. It may take a moment for our hurt emotions to catch up with the reality that we are all so unbelievably blessed – just to be called “Mom” is a blessing – but eventually our emotions will catch up.
“In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18)
Holla back!: What about you? What anti-psycho Mother’s Day tips would you add to this list?
Wishing you the best Mother’s Day ever!