What Did We Ever Do Before These Kids Came Along?

I’m just going to go ahead and put this out there: If you don’t have a teenage daughter (or possibly a teen son?) you’re probably making some vital make-up flaws that you’re unaware of.

I mentioned the other day that I basically brought the entire make-up isle at Rite Aid because I wasn’t able to get a professional consultation due to how swamped most make-up counters were with little darlings getting glammed up for their senior prom.

Well, after a lot of try this and return that at Rite Aid, I ended up with what I believed to be a pretty good assortment of make-up brands and colors that I could live with, thank you! But it turns out that choosing the make-up is only half of the equation; the other half: knowing how to apply it.

The other day, when hubby and I drove to pick-up our little Angel Eyes from college, whom we hadn’t seen in quite some time, and we were all standing around laughing, hugging and catching up, Angel looked at me and said:

Mom, did you draw a line on your top lip? 

Ah, yeah.  Why?  Can you see it?

Yes, mom!

Oh {laughing}, I was trying to line my lips.

Angel {silence}

(Hee-hee, hah-hah!  Apparently, the jokes on me.)

Hey, I try to be very careful when applying this stuff, but sometimes I err, you know?  And apparently, the only people brave enough to tell you so are your teenage kids.

Really now, do you think your neighbor is going to tell you that?  No way!  How about your casual acquaintances? Most likely not.

And men are definitely disqualified!  They’re horrified about saying anything to a woman about her makeup.  Thier M.O. is to run home to tell their wife: That lady looks like Morticia from the Adam’s family.

How about your girlfriends?

Girlfriends…Hmmm…Now that’s a tricky one! 

I see my friends make beauty flaws from time-to-time and there’s NO way I’m saying anything.  That could be a real relationship breaker.

At this point in my life I’ve learned (sometimes the hard way) that telling someone that they should consider shaving their uni-brow or perhaps NOT make their eyebrows so pronounced when they draw them on, might not be such a good idea.

Perhaps I should keep my comments about black lipstick for people over 40 to myself?  Or never disclose that false eye lashes should NOT look, um, false and might look more natural if they weren’t, say, an inch long!  You know, stuff like that.

I might take a few risks with my Bestie – but it would be a very calculated risk.

Anyhow, Angel’s comment about my lip-line really resonated with me because at the first make-up counter I happened upon, there was a BEAUTIFUL sales associate who appeared to have drawn a very pronounced line around her lips.  It was nothing like my scribbly lip-line.  I’m talking about an entire extra lip here!

I stood there looking at her and wondering why no one had told her that she looked a bit bizarre and unnatural.  Could I really trust her judgement to help me beautify myself when she looked a wee bit…ridiculous?  (Harsh, I know.)

The moral of the story is to have kids, man!  Because they’re the only ones who tell you how about your horrid make-up choices, how Puma Clydes are never making a comeback, to never pair Capri pants with fold-over socks (who knew?), and to NEVER, EVER (in this dispensation or any to follow) come outside looking like THAT again!

And after they’ve told you such things, try really, really hard not to cringe about the fact that you’ve been walking around virtually most of your adult life looking clueless and laughable.  It’s just the way it is.

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